How to be with the woman you love and not lose your cool?

There are always situations in life when you wonder how did you end up disagreeing on so many fronts with someone you love. Sometimes, you find yourself looking for an escape from some situation that seems to be way out of hand. Though most often in these situations, deep down you know that you love your better half, but I am sure you would love some tips to deal with and understand the difficult parts. Hope this helps!

Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars:

One needs to understand that men and women are basically from two different worlds. They differ in almost all the things they do. There are physical, emotional, behavioural and psychological differences that lead to a difference in opinion and behaviour. Most often than not it’s futile to understand the behaviour of the other sex and you only end up making the situation worse if not better. Its always better to believe that you are two different people from different planets and it’s common to have a difference of opinion, judgement, behaviour, etc..

How to deal with these situations:

• Work on communication.

  • There has to be a very high level of understanding between you two.  ‘Two bodies one mind’.
  • Your communication (verbal or non-verbal) needs be so much and so good that it should be almost like a binary communication. You should know what your partner is going to say before she says it. It takes some time and conscious effort to master this but you will get there.
  • Make sure to talk about things when they are small or irrelevant, i.e. before they actually become issues. One of the biggest mistakes that couples make is to ignore small things or keep it to themselves, till the point they become an issue. At this moment all the irritation that has been caused by this nagging sensation, takes over the argument or fight. It’s just irrational beyond a point to even talk about it. So ALWAYS clear out things when they are small.

• Difference of opinion is good.

  • I ask this to everybody who complains about their wife. Would you be okay marrying yourself?
    There is always some smart-ass who says ‘yes’. I say to them if you could marry yourself, then why marry at all?
    Mostly the answer is ‘no’ and people realise that its no fun in marrying someone who is essentially same as you. It’s always good to have a difference of opinion and you should try to make the most of two worlds rather than get into a childish fight.

• Roles in marriage.

  • I’m not talking about the division of labour or home chores., I’m sure you would have figured out a way to divide and balance out daily chores of the house. If not, god help you, as this is the major reason for your wife to get mad at you :P.
  • Anyway, what I mean by roles in a relationship is the dominance relationship.  I firmly believe, for any marriage to be successful there has to be a clear division of power. By clear division of power I mean only one partner can be dominating in the relationship and the other one obviously needs to be submissive( or understanding ). There would be instances when the roles change but they should be rare. Just to clarify I don’t adhere to the opinion that women should be dominant but one of two has to be understanding or submissive. Lack of this equation is just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.
  • This concept can be understood from and also defines, who would usually be the one to apologise after a fight. This will also define the team’s decision when there is a difference of opinion on critical matters.

• Handling disagreements.

  • One of the important things that you need to work on is to understand that it’s not always that you are right. More important than being right, it’s the person you are with, who is more important.
  • To deal with disagreements I usually ask myself at the start of an argument, is this something where I would rather prefer to lose the argument than the person. If you do this for some time, I can guarantee you that your better half will also start doing the same.
  • For a happy marriage, ego is like a mistress your wife should never know about 🙂 My wife basically thinks I don’t have any ego.

• Managing expectations

  • In India, there are weird expectations wired into our brains about what a husband or wife should do. In today’s age, they are not valid.  I follow a simple rule here. I try to never expect from my wife something that I myself would not be willing to or would be able to do. Unless it’s something that she is better at than me. It helps to identify what both of us are good at, like managing finances, ordering monthly groceries, managing family ties, and dividing responsibilities accordingly. Having said that it never hurts to help your partner, in their areas of work.
    

• Relationships improve you as a person.

  • As you have probably heard, behind every successful man there is a woman. Also, behind every successful woman, there is a man who did not shackle her and let her be. From the time I met my life, i.e. my wife, it’s been a constant upward graph for me. I have improved in many areas. She is the driving force in my constant strive for excellence in whatever I do. She has helped me foray into areas that I did not feel were my cup of tea. I would even say that most of my success in life is because of the support of the two women I love in my life and one of them is my wife.
    

In conclusion, we are better off dealing with the shit that life hands us as a team than adding to it. Life is too short to hold grudges against people you love. Embrace the differences ( good and bad ) and make them work for you.

Cheers!